When Kurama talks, Hiei listens!
by animalnitrate
Summary: a very educational and highly informative conversation between Hiei & Kurama WARNING!: OOC! extreme language ahead! courtesy of a foul mouthed Koenma Daioh


Disclaimer: I don't own YuYu Hakushu, Togashi does! ...happy now?!  
  
Author's note: K-stands for Kurama, H-stands for Hiei and Koe-stands for Koenma (as if you didn't know already) plus, Kurama talks like Quinn (Daria) Hiei talks like Butt-head (Beavis and Butt-head) and Koenma talks like Liam Gallagher (Oasis)…Is there a stupid sick shitty f**ked-up fic category? I don't think so… so I put this one up in the humor category although I highly doubt that it's anywhere near humorous.  
  
  
  
WARNING!!!  
  
THE FOLLOWING FANFIC MAY CONTAIN DIALOGUES NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN AND/OR SHORT-TEMPERED PEOPLE. BE SURE TO STAY CALM AND CHECK YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, WHILE READING. THE AUTHOR WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DAMAGES INFLICTED BY THE READER TO OTHERS OR TO THE MONITOR. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.  
  
  
  
From the award winning author (best f**ked-up fanfic writer… I think?) that gave you "Dude, Where's My Card?" And the critically acclaimed "Hisoka and Machi", comes a tale of love, friendship and camaraderie.  
  
animalnitrate proudly presents…  
  
  
  
When Kurama talks, Hiei listens!  
  
  
  
Scenario: At Rei kai, Hiei and Kurama were both sitting on the table at Koenma's office, watching the F channel on the monitor. Kurama starts talking to Hiei, thus a conversation ensues…  
  
  
  
K: so, like, what d'ya think of today's latest fashion trend?  
  
H: (watching the models on T.V.) uhu hu huh… she's got boobies… uhu hu huh…  
  
K: yeah, whatever, like, just look at you, you're fashion sense is like, yuck!  
  
H: uhu hu huh… uhu hu huh…  
  
K: so, like, I heard that, that dork Kuwabara is asking Yukina out, that's just sooooo eeeeeeew…  
  
H: (still watching) uhu hu huh… butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt… uhu hu huh… uhu hu huh…  
  
K: like, hello, were talking about Yukina here, like Yukina's your sister, remember?  
  
H: uhu hu huh… he said member… uhu hu huh… uhu hu huh…  
  
K: what is with you, you're just sooooooo not paying attention to what I'm talking about.  
  
H: (still watching) uhu hu huh… uhu hu huh…  
  
K: hello, can't you just listen to me even just this once.  
  
H: yeah… uhu hu huh… uhu hu huh…  
  
K: good, like, you see, Kuwabara's dating Yukina, eeeeeeew, that's just sooooooo totally un-cool.  
  
H: yeah… uhu hu huh… uhu hu huh…  
  
K: Yukina's like soooooo pretty, duh, while that Kuwabara guy on the other hand is just plain ugly, know what I'm sayin'?  
  
H: uhu hu huh… yeah… uhu hu huh… uhu hu huh… uh what's that again?  
  
K: ungh! You're impossible!  
  
(Kurama grabs the remote from Hiei and changes the channel to CNN)  
  
H: dammit Kurama! Give that back!  
  
K: like, never, not unless you start listening to me.  
  
H: I'll smack you up-side the head…  
  
K: just try…  
  
Fight Commentator (George): And the fight is off, Hiei now starts to hit Kurama in the face while Kurama counters by pulling Hiei's hair. Hiei takes a shot at Kurama, Kurama dodges! Kurama now passes the ball to Iverson. Iverson goes for a three but misses… rebound by Kurnikova! Anna giving it a backhand Swing while Kurama now begins kicking, but hasn't got lucky as Hiei easily avoided the attack… wow that was fast! Oh, traveling foul on Hiei. And the fight goes on. Hiei manages to grab Kurama and Tyson giving it a left hook but Kurama blocks it with ease. Barros manages to toss the ball to Clinton. Clinton runs past an intern but Hillary manages kick the ball from Bill. The ball flies across par 4 and lands which looks like a good 50 yards. Homerun! But what's this? Clinton is down… Clinton is in pain! ... Hillary kicked the wrong ball! Meanwhile Keanu does some Matrix- esque kung-fu posses but we find this useless as Woods easily beats him up with a driver. Whatta fight! Whatta fight! Kurama strikes Hiei with a spinning backhand but misses… ooooh, pinches him in the nipples instead! Side pocket violation was called on Kurama. The referee puts a technical on Washu for being a technician as Hiei pins Kurama to the floor. Touchdown! And now Hiei's about to deliver his final blow… looks like no escape for Kurama this time, but wait… oooooh kicks him in the 'nads! Sttttrike! Kurama had just kicked Hiei's 'nads ladies and gentlemen. What an exiting turn of events! …Gee, that sure looks painful. But Hiei isn't goin' to give up that easily, it would take more than a kick on the balls to stop this ferocious little youkai. Hiei's dark aura is now starting to glow, his Jagan wide open, I think he's calling for back-up. This doesn't look good for Kurama fans, 'coz Hiei's now trying to summon the black dragon straight from Makai! But Kurama isn't gonna take this one sitting down. He pulls out a rose whip as he changes into the silver haired man-wolf Youko! Now, both fighters readying for another round…  
  
As round 2 was about to start, Koenma walked in the room.  
  
Koe: What the f**k are you doin' you f**kin' daft bastards?! You're at my f**kin' office that's what and not at a f**kin' arena, f**kin' twats! You guys must've been pretty f**ked-up to have your f**kin' little fight at my f**kin' office, so better f**k off before I f**kin' smash the f**k outta ya with a f**kin' Rickenbacker!  
  
K: duh, like, if you want us to get out, you can at least say it a little bit gentler.  
  
H: uhu hu huh… bung hole… uhu hu huh…uhu hu huh…  
  
Koe: What the f**k was that?! You f**kin' want me to say f**kin' please get out of the f**kin' room, is that it?! Well bullsh*t! That's f**kin' bullsh*t man! bullsh*t! bullsh*t! bullsh*t! bullsh*t! I ain't askin' ya to leave like that! That's f**kin' pathetic man!  
  
H: uhu hu huh… butt-munch…  
  
Koe: F**kin' what?!  
  
K: Ooooooh, I see. You just want the room for yourself so you and Botan can have your little hanky panky.  
  
Koe: Shut the f**k up. What you've been ranting on about is bullsh*t to me! ... So what you're tryin' to say here, right, that me and Botan locked ourselves in the office, right, and we have a little shag or two? That's bullsh*t! And I think what you're sayin' is complete and utter f**kin' (turns over to Kurama's ear, and shouts) Bloooarskybluh! That's what not I'm about, being a big shag athlete… The rumors ain't true. It's a huge pile 'o rubbish mate.  
  
K: So, what are you about? And what's with all *'s… why can't you just say fuck?  
  
Koe: well, I'm all about… I'm about being… I'm about goin' down the f**kin'… (Shoves his pacifier down Kurama's throat) That's what I'm about! And kids might be readin' this fic so fook off the asterisks mate. The brats, they'd just think that I'm just sayin' fork, right? So f**k off, and you can stick that rose of yours right up yer arse 'till it comes out of your f**kin' big toe.  
  
H: uhu hu huh… uhu hu huh… he said toe…  
  
K: *cough cough* (coughs off the pacifier)  
  
H: (to Koenma) so, like, can I get the remote back now… uhu hu huh… uhu hu huh…  
  
"AND STAY OUT!" screamed Koenma as he slams the office door, leaving the two youkais standing out in the hallway.  
  
K: great, thanks to you we got kicked out. This is all you're fault.  
  
H: uh… what?  
  
K: I said it's all you're fault!  
  
H: no way… uhu hu huh…  
  
K: duh, if you haven't acted like a total jerk, we wouldn't like, get kicked.  
  
H: shut up! dumbass…  
  
K: ungh!… jerk!  
  
H: bung hole…  
  
K: dweeb!  
  
H: butt-munch…  
  
K: freak!  
  
H: butt wipe…  
  
K: weirdo!  
  
H: bung hole…  
  
K: but you've already said bung hole?  
  
H: eh… butt-munch?  
  
K: ungh!  
  
H: uhu hu huh… you're a bung hole………  
  
Narrator (George): and so, the never ending and highly intellectual argument between Kurama and Hiei continous. And as of Koenma-sama, he and Botan are "doing it", "getting it on", "havin' a shag", "doing the naughty naughty" right now (I think you get the message). Well boys and girls, this ends our story. The beautiful story that tackles the harsh realities of life, the story that tells us how to believe in one's dreams, the story that says that whenever there's a violent storm a rainbow will always be there at the end of it, the story that deals with the fact that in case of emergencies we should break the glass, the story that…  
  
Hiei&Kurama: shut the f**k up!  
  
  
  
  
  
~OWARI~ let the FLAMINGS begin! 


End file.
